For all the posts, this one beats them all…not really. maybe.

as I look at the blinking cursor it stares back at me. it reminds me of all that i have done and all that I may do.

 many people think that these blogs are meaningless and are just a way to spend your day or atleast to just talk about it when in reality they are broken down into your thoughts and feelings, your every word.

this is not to scare those who have posts into thinking about not because they are being analyzed. besides no one really knows you do they? is this just another blog where not one person has actually met you. well for some, like myself i have met some of my readers. this in return can create a problem. People know people who talk kind of thing. Since i live in a small town…well you can only imagine.

there is one word that I am not fond of, more like two/three…I’m Sorry. in these words your life is at stake. not in a physical sense (for the most part) but you are admitting fault, blame, that you are not perfect.

In my family I’m Sorry also indicates weakness and inability to cope with your problems. So putting things on the back burner is easily done. You expose yourself to all that is real, that we are nowhere close to perfect.

So here it is:

Raul I am not sorry for what I have said but I am sorry that we can’t be together. I am sorry for the trouble that I may have caused you and for the lack of intelligence that I seem to have tonight. I love you for who you are and for all you are worth and I understand. What you may not know about me is that I can see where my boundaries are and I am strong when you come to me on the streets but underneath the covers im just another girl trying to fight her way out.

I hope that one day you can find the words to explain that question to me about love and passion. As for myself I hope that one day my desire to chase after my dreams pays off.

~ by icedhot on January 7, 2008.